As I was sitting there watching Kevin Durant writhe in pain on the ScotiaBank Arena floor, I couldn’t help but wonder if part of the reason he was on the floor at all was because of the boogeyman we had all created. Why did Durant feel compelled to be on the floor, when it was apparent he wasn’t ready to be there at all? I couldn’t help but feel like his decision on June 10th, 2019 was still tied to his decision on July 4th, 2016.

I still feel a sense of disdain for the decision Durant made in the summer of 2016. The Oklahoma City Thunder had just lost a grueling seven game series to the Golden State Warriors. A series in which they led three games to one. This match-up had all the makings of a future epic rivalry. The upstart Warriors and the “on the cusp” Thunder. And while Durant had a decision to make that offseason, there was no way he would skip town now. Not when the team showed what it could do against this juggernaut. This was KD….the same guy that criticized LeBron James for making superteams…the same guy that lauded guys like Dirk Nowitzki and Kobe Bryant for being loyal to their teams through thick and thin.

But we all know what happened. The Warriors eventually lost to LeBron and the Cleveland Cavaliers in an epic Finals series, that saw the Warriors, themselves, blow a 3-1 lead. And then came the decision. It still sticks in my craw that Durant made that choice. He could have chosen any other team (literally, any other team because they all had a ton of money to spend that offseason). But to choose the team that had just beat you to make them become an almost unbeatable super-juggernaut was unfathomable in the minds of most Thunder fans in relation to the man we thought Durant was.

In the end though, Durant got what he wanted. He turned Golden State into an almost unbeatable machine. For two seasons, they blew through the regular season, and then almost as easily, blew through the playoffs on their way to two consecutive championships. And yes, it did hurt to watch Durant win in that fashion. But not for the reason you would think. I hurt because it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel earned. And we let him know as much. And most other NBA fans who didn’t follow the team in the Bay Area let him know also. He was no longer “legacy” Durant. He was now “mercenary” Durant.

And KD hated that. He can say what he wants in public, but the social media beefs lead to one thought: it bothered him that no one appreciated what he had accomplished. And if we’re being honest, that feeling has to suck. To conquer your professional dream and help a team win two championships at the highest level of your sport, only to have people criticize you at every turn has to be a horrible existence. I know he is well paid and he lives a life many of us can only dream of. But he is also human. And that element gets completely thrown out the window in this social media age.

Did he deserve adulation? Not necessarily. He still made a decision that hurt Thunder fans. And as we know, the word fan comes from the word fanatic. That mixture of emotion and loyalty to one team is hard to break, even for your first love. But the fact that the rest of the NBA landscape never fully appreciated what Durant did in his first two seasons in Oakland was puzzling. The fans went back to loving LeBron after he left Cleveland the first time. They went back to loving Chris Bosh when he did the same. Paul George is still on good footing in the NBA, even in Indiana. So what was completely different about Durant?

I don’t know that answer. Maybe it had a little bit to do with the feeling that Durant ditched his brothers in the foxhole and joined the enemy’s side. Something that no other superstar in the game had ever done. It’s equivalent to Michael Jordan joining the Detroit Pistons after 1990. Or Larry Bird joining the Los Angeles Lakers in the late 80’s. Honestly, maybe it had a lot to do with that.

From a Thunder fan’s perspective, the whole Durant saga always comes back to one emotion: Love. For eight years, we watched this young prodigy turned into one of the game’s greatest scorers. We saw him become a terror on the court for opponents. We saw him as a Bible-carrying, backpack-wearing kid who turned into the Slim Reaper while on the court. We witnessed a man who saw a community in need after a terrible natural disaster and pitched in one million dollars to help said community out. It didn’t matter if it was one million of his dollars. He still stepped up when it was needed most. We saw him become the Most Valuable Player in the league and then give all the credit to his mother (who does that?). Our feelings about KD all come from love. But the flipside of love, is hate. And as anyone who has been through either a messy break-up or a messy divorce can attest, feelings aren’t easily mended when love is no longer the emotion of choice between two entities.

But if we are going to come full circle, the antithesis of hate is once again love. You never truly stop loving what you used to love. If you attend the funeral of someone who has previously been in a divorce, you will likely find their ex-spouse there. And it is likely to pay respects, not to spit on the grave. Love is a weird emotion that never really goes away. It just transforms and constantly morphs. And so, watching Durant grip the bottom of his leg, and then watching the subsequent close-up of what definitely looked like a tendon snapping was terrible. Was this Durant’s decision? Absolutely. But he didn’t make it alone. We pushed him into making this decision. We created the monster that was constantly attached to Durant. If he didn’t play, he would be chastised for giving up on his team. But if he played, and the Warriors won, he may finally be given the credit he was already due, but severely missing. And that, has to make all of us feel a little sick to our stomachs.